More questions than answers

I haven't truly studied the Bible in my adult life. The exception is when I was 19 or 20, and first coming to terms with being gay, and I dove into many books and lots of research that helped me reconcile my spirituality with my sexuality.

Once I began to understand how passages of scripture that were originally intended to teach against pederasty were twisted by people and prejudice to condemn homosexuality, I realized that I could no longer take any of the Bible for granted. I learned more and more about the hand the church has played in extending it's own agenda through translations and interpretations of the Bible over time.

I think that realization really overwhelmed me. At first, I decided I was going to enter a divinity degree program, and I took many steps in that direction, but I ended up switching gears. I lead a Bible study at the time, and I really enjoyed it. I attended a GLBT church in Boston, and that church was critical in my journey to reclaiming my relationship with Christ.

Eventually, what I needed from a church changed, and I realized for my continued growth, I wanted to find a church that was GLBT friendly, but not GLBT driven. That has proven to be quite a challenge, and it's complicated by the fact that I don't really know what I want in a church right now.

I can visit a church and realize what I don't want, but what I want is an entirely different challenge. I think what I would like is a church that has a great music program, that is relevant to today without trying to be like MTV, filled with genuine people who are not there out of obligation or habit, but because it feeds their soul, that is socially conscious and a good neighbor to their community, with a pastoral team filled with curiosity and the ability to claim what they know and what they don't know, and with a fresh perspective on the teachings of the Bible.

Am I asking too much? I don't know - I do know that it's something I haven't found yet.

I'm glad to be studying the Bible again, but with my 32 year old knowledge and critical thinking skills, it's just not the same as it used to be. I blindly accepted so much for so long, and I'm not capable of doing that.

I wanted to talk about something as simple as the Beatitudes today from the sermon on the mount, but in my research, I realized that Matthew's account of the sermon on the mount may have actually been the same as Luke's account of the sermon on the plain. Which one is right? What are the similarities and what are the differences?

I have a lot of research to do, and I'd really like to study in a formal theology program that has no agenda. I'm going to look into that, but realistically, that's not something I have time for immediately.

I will do my best studying the Bible each day, and trying to glean whatever insight I can.